Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
