Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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