Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
