this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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