today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
