drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
