garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
