did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
