honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
