what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
