I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
