if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
