I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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