p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
