Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
