Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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