LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
