I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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