His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
