So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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