i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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