Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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