Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
