I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
