I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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