i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
