His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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