Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
