dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
