I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
