also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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