I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
