Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
