I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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