I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
