Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
