i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dear god my vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
