How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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