My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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