nut hugger
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
