I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
