If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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