I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
