i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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