We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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