Duck Duck Cougar?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
