That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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