I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
