well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
