i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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