YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
