I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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