It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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