is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
