two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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