piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
