You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
