$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
