dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
