Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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