yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think my tv is drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
