The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
