come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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