the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
God, I missed his penis.
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