i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
