I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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