I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
