i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
