it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
