How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
