please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
