just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
