The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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