Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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